im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
