Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
