The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think your dad took our porno
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
