she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
as a side note pls kill me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
