why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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