new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
