Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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