The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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