i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
