I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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