My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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