Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
