Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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