my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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