1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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