watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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