I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
