oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
