your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
