so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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