Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
