Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
