She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
