I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
