my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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