Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
