I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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