I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can't believe i had my finger in that
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
