Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
