My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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