I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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