Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
