Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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