Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
