At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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