I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
