True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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