Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
