u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize