I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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