dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
