Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
