There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
