Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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