I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
