where am i from again
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
