So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the day after is always just damage control
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
