So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
