I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
