I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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