Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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