I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
