we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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