weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
