You can't special order awesome
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
