If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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