I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
