i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
