Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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