How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this just has baby written all over it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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