is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
