We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
