Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize