I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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