if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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