If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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