Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
did i just pee glitter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
